Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Resolute Text

Eight years. It took her eight years to realise that this was never going to happen.

Foolishly, she felt that walking away first proved that she could have made things work if she had just stayed. She ignored the warning bells in her head. You're not cut out for this. People like you don't do this.

Of course, she didn't listen.

She just wanted to be normal. But, what is normal? She wanted to feel happy like she saw everyone else around her being so. She wanted that. Why was it so hard?

Then, she decided. She had to stop walking away. Or running away. She had to be there. In person, not as a virtual companion. She sucked at that, too, in any case. Even her several tamagotchi didn't have that privilege. Oh. That's why they never survived. 

So, she stayed. The next person who promised her the moon was the lucky one. Except he didn't have the moon within his reach. He didn't have even the sand beneath his feet. She still stayed. You can't run this time. Have faith.

It took her four years to understand how her faith had been misplaced. So, that's your biggest problem. Hmmm.

Her faith found a new home in her saviours. Moreover, they actually wanted her around. Not the way she was usually led to believe, or felt like she should believe, but for real. This was real. It still could be. She didn't think so. Not now.

Things were going great. Just fine. Till they realised that it really wasn't. She was oblivious to their awakening. She hadn't felt safe in years, she didn't want it to stop. Not just yet.

Which is probably why it stopped right then. When was the last time things actually went your way? She didn't need reminding.

It had to be too good to be true, I told you. They found ways of telling her. They were unsure, too. Perhaps, it was guilt, but they didn't back away all at once.

When they eventually did, she understood. It wasn't ever going to happen, was it? I didn't think so. You aren't one of them. They aren't like you.

But, that's what made them different. They were supposed to have accepted her difference. Understood that she functioned differently. That she didn't mean to hurt or harm. Try telling the crushed ant that about the friendly giant. God, even her stupidly long limbs kept hitting people in the face without actually meaning to. Of all the analogies you could make...sigh!

A wave of panic washed over her. She never was going to be able to do this. The wave subsided. Maybe, she didn't have to.

She didn't want to have to.

So, now she wouldn't. Problem solved. Really?

She sure hoped so.