Saturday, February 23, 2013

Never knowing who to turn to, when the rain set in

They say she killed her. They say she called her names. They say she was made to feel like dirt.

They say she killed her.

Bullying isn't new. Nor will it ever age.

But bullying isn't why someone dies.

No. Someone dies because they have no more of a life to live. Because they don't have any more to offer. Because they don't have the will to live.

Society will throw its sticks and stones. Tell me of a time when that hasn't happened.

Remember the lynching and burning at stake for the "witches"?

Tell me how this is any different.

When she was being bullied, she felt persecuted.

When it was over, her "killer" was persecuted.

Society always needs a scapegoat. Someone to blame.

Someone to blame when the world seems all wrong. Someone to call at fault when the roses don't bloom.

No. She killed herself not because she was bullied. She died not because of the names she was called. She died because her life had gone out like the candles in the wind.

Pinning the blame on the bully won't solve your problems. It won't stop this world from being cruel.

But it will give someone the power to wield the next time.

It will lead people to believe that bullies can make your life not worth living. It will lead people to believe that they are voodoo puppets in the hands of a bully.

It will be the deciding factor between letting a dictator reign and someone just believing in himself. It will be the fork in the road between choosing to live for yourself or letting someone else decide what you are. It will be the moment when you finally realize if you're a coward or not.

Do you really want to play the blame game now?

Or do you want to live your life the way you should?

Monday, February 18, 2013

Spaces in the Sands of Time

I got a phone call, this morning. Out of the blue, you might say.

He was upset. She hadn't called.

She texted me. He was being difficult.

I was delighted.

He never needs my help. Neither does she.

But now, I was the glue to their failing love song. I was the balm to soothe their pain. I was their spring cushion they fell back on to get on their feet again.

Is this wrong? Is it wrong to want to see chaos, only to be the one to set it right?

Is there no other way to be the one to show enlightenment and wisdom? Or is there no comparable joy?

Vicious circle, they might call it. Soon, it will lead to my hand in bringing about unhappiness. Break this cycle before it is too far gone, I say. But how, is the eternal question.

Can a carnal hunger be satiated with pure avoidance and ignorance? What other sins must I commit to fill up that void?

Sunday, February 17, 2013


He left. Again.

Of course, he did. I'd been trying my level best to drive him away. Subtly as subtle could get, but I tried as hard as I could.

I still don't understand why he keeps coming back. What it is that I could possibly offer him.

All I see is the same person smoothly talking me into letting him stay for one more time, for one more chance. He talks of old times, gets me nostalgic. He talks of newer times, gets me hopeful. He promises to change, I believe him for the moment. He shows that he hasn't changed, I break inside. He keeps coming back. And I let him do it.

I wish I knew why I did that. And how to stop doing it. Till then, I'll have to devise new ways of driving him away. Again.